Tuesday, April 20, 2010

That time I admitted to being a hipster.

When did it become an offensive word? Why is it? How many people admit they even have hipster tendencies much less classify as a full blown one?

I suppose it's because since "indie" and "hipster" are so similar now, and "indie" comes from "independent," it becomes an originality thing, that's what it's all about. Being different. And to acknowledge that you're something like another person, aka a label, well, you've kind of just contradicted who you are.....who you are as a person.
Hi, my name is Chelsea, and I'm a hipster. I listened to Metro Station three years ago when I was actually seventeen, now they play that song on the radio and I'm 20.
I collect owl figurines. I worship Zooey Deschanel. I think boys with tattoos and facial hair are Hotty McHottersons. I wear leggings and have chunky glasses. I pride myself on finding unknown bands. I enjoy thrift stores and vintage furniture. Urban Outfitters made my heart stop a little bit the first time I went in (last week).

What about you!?

How to properly diagnose yourself and those around you:

if you become full of joy when you mention a band that someone hasn't heard of. Or when a band you've been listening to for like the past three effing days suddenly pops up on your friends radar and you're all "oh yeah I started liking them a long time ago."
Also saying "I liked so-and-so before they were famous.

if one of your dreams is to be photographed (gettin' crunk) and put on the cobrasnake website

if you have this saved on your computer without a really good and intelligent reason. Aka you're majoring in graphic design and specialize in the making of....fonts.....or you worked on that helvetica movie (yes there's a movie, OF COURSE THERE IS) but you know that.

if you look at that and say or think something along the lines of "That's not true" or "That's dumb" or "Whatever" or "How stupid that doesn't even make sense."
Getting butthurt makes you a supa-hipster, just sayin'

if you think this guy is a hottie.

or him

or even this bro
(ps. oo la la)

if this picture does not make you laugh. Or at least smile and not because you think they're awesome or you want to be them or because that one in the back is actually you and wow you're famous now aren't you?

if you match at least three of these generalizations yet still deny that you're a hipster

if you flat-iron your hair to actually go in front of your face, like in front of your eyes in a swoopy motion

if Chuck Palahunikjdhsjshdak changed your life.
And you can't pronounce his last name but who cares you just call him Chuck.

if you have glasses like this that you obtained in the past three or so years.
I don't care if they're prescription but if they're not you're a supa-hipster. Own it.

if you suddenly started thinking triangles were cool in the last six months or so.
You are exempt if you're between one and four years old.

if you wear scarves with short sleeved shirts meaning or just when you generally do not need a scarf because it's hot and if you're chilly get a jacket, foo.

if you're a young man with a mustache

....self explanatory

So, are you? Are you a little bit? A tiny bit?
....what about that kid next to you, now HE'S a hipster...ugh, those dumb hipsters...



Lillian said...

My status as a hipster has been greatly debated amongst my friends. Some say that since I listen to music they havent heard/dont like, and like guys with beards and wear american apparel like its my full time job, that I am a hipster. But I've also been called a punk (ha!) and a nerd and a goth (double HA!) so I dont know. Maybe I am a hipster.

Arianna said...

loving this! i match some of the hipster criteria (and the third guy omg omg ) BUT i hate neon shades WHAT THE FUCK they are fugly

loving your blog as you know (this is candycoma from livejournal) x

RedRobotMonkey said...

This post made me lulz. Love your blog.

Anonymous said...

I don't know how I got here..but good read. Very funny.