That time thought I was worthy enough to give a little bit of advice to the gentlemenz...

Dear Manfolk,
Are you guys as clueless as some say? As a girl, I hear all sorts of things about how when interacting with you I must be obvious and direct because you guys aren't as complicated and tricky as I might think. But then again, I've been a victim of manipulative mindgames so what gives?
Well, it would be nice for me to be optimistic about something in life, at least for a day so this is for you - all you nice guys who aren't as complicated as we girls might assume. I know that I for one read into every little thing you do and don't do, I apologize for that by the way.
So since I'm probably not the only crazy chick person who feels similarly to the feelings and mindset I have then this is for you.

If you are a guy who likes playing games, you're a terrible person. I don't speak for all women but I know that many of us are this way because this is how we're wired, we're wired to want to trust someone and have protection and love. That's just the way it is and playing mind games takes advantage of the way we are, and maybe that way is annoying to you or you just don't understand it or think it's stupid but that's part of what makes a girl, a girl.
So you can screw off.

So again, I am going to say "we" to represent myself and at least one other female in the world because the odds are that one other female in the world feels this way, thus creating a "we" and if that's not true then I know Lillie has my back so that's a "we" too.
I'm starting out with five, we'll eventually add to that at a later date I'm sure.

If you have suggestions PLEASE please leave it in the comments or in my formspring, it's so hard trying to remember all these things I think about and realize. I know there are tons but when I sit down to try and get them all out I forget most of them.

1. The telephone: I don't know if guys do this but I know girls do. We wait for a text or phone call, like crazy little hooligans. We hear imaginary vibrating and thing it's you, or as soon as we get a text we wait a while to even look at it to make ourselves feel like we don't care if it's you or not. For me, a lot of the time it turns out not to be you. So sometimes even though we wait and check over and over, even after receiving your text we still wait a while to respond because we're not desperate, ok?

Which brings me to number two...

2. Texting initiation: we like it when you text first, simple as that. If you want a girl to know you're at least semi-interested in her, text her (or call if that's your thing). You can tell a joke or share something you just thought of or saw that you think she'll enjoy. Texting back soon after is also a really good sign, to us.

I know I know I know that is a double standard, all I can say is that as a girl we are more sensitive so we have to do something to protect ourselves, even something stupid and silly. Especially if we've been hurt before, by a guy not like you, one of those mind-gamers who are more talented than the Jonas Brothers are at indirectly getting young girls to shriek.

3. Facial hair: there's a facial hair movement. Most girls, at least the majority of girls I've talked to and heard from which is quite a lot enjoy facial hair. Some girls like a clean shaven man-dude but many of them don't.
Many of them like beards, not strange pedophile moustaches. My personal favorite is scruff. Ah, scruff. It's like a little manliness, in a subtle way but not in your face what's could be growing in your beard right now.

JGL I give you a B+

MGG I give you an A......for so, so many reasons.
Be still my heart.

4. We want you to think we're just the bees' knees all around, even with our flaws.

(We'd also love to make you want to or actually do this)

5. Take charge: There are few things sexier than a man who knows what he wants, this can mean knowing what he wants to do in life or making the first romantic move, or holding the door open for us (chivalry is not dead), or being completely honest about how you feel (unless it's something that we just don't need to know) like telling us we look beautiful if we happen to look especially pretty at some time - all of these things.
Because men, you were made the way you are because you are the leaders, you are the stronger and the taller and the tougher, why else would you be like that? So you can sit back and wait for girls and other people to make decisions for you?

To close, here's a little secret: sometimes when you're in a group hanging out wherever a girl will randomly go off somewhere to see if maybe you'll follow her, or care enough to find out why she decided to go to the other part of the store without saying anything.
This is one of the many things we use to see if you like us without setting ourselves up for painful rejection.

That time my crush uncrushed.

Everyone has crushes (unless you're asexual), maybe some of you call them something more mature but I don't. Mainly because I can't think of a better term.
So anyways, I've had this crush, not for too long but it's been horrible - I've wanted it to go away for so many different reasons but unfortunately I couldn't just wish it away.
In a completely dramatic description: there are few things worse for a girl like me than having a crush who doesn't like you back, and who you know isn't good enough for you unless he makes some major changes. Aka grows the heck up.

But recently, life gave me a break. The crush did something so ridiculous my ~feelings~ for him rapidly diminished. Isn't that nice? I wish I could bestow this gift on every unrequited crush I ever have in the future and for everyone else who wishes their crush would cease to exist.
And it wasn't something rude or mean on his part, just....a bad judgment call, in my opinion. But I'm sure other people dig...stuff...like that.
I'm just not one of them, and thank the Lord I'm not. Because I would have missed out on a lot of shared laughter. Phew.

In closing, it's okay to have a crush on someone you know you shouldn't, maybe there just aren't better options. I completely understand that, all too well in fact. But even if you're feeling all sentimental that doesn't mean you have to act on it. You can remain aloof but be a puddle of melted chocolate on the inside that seeps out of your pores, invisibly of course, every time his arm brushes yours or he does something to make you think that maybe he does like you-like you.
But stand strong woman! Maybe he will do something that makes you laugh until you cry because of how utterly stupid it is (and not cute stupid more like "what is this I don't even!? lol irl omg") and voila, you are cured.
Or maybe someone better will walk into your life, someone that will ask you to hang out or want to read your favorite books just because they're your favorite.
Or maybe you can just buy another cat...

That time I revealed myself as.....this.

Facebook is a drug. For me, not for everyone or even close to everyone. It makes me do things I later hate myself for. I can't tear myself away for fear that I will miss something important and life changing. That things could be different for me, for my relationships for crushes and if I don't go on it, if I'm not on at that exact time then I may miss my opportunity. Logic tells me that this is ridiculous but I don't listen. Maybe I can't.

Facebook turns me into a needy spineless little girl.
I can be feeling perfectly find until boom seeing an image or words make my heart ache.
Well that's a little dramatic.
How about...it makes me feel sad. And then needy and clingy, desperate to make the sad feeling stop. The hopeless feeling. The jealous feeling.
It makes me linger, Facebook really isn't even that interesting yet I linger.
It makes me fret over how I'm presenting myself as a person, the visual representation moreso than even my physical self.
Am I coming across as someone I would like? Am I coming across as myself? What about the best version of myself? Does he think I'm a cool person? Would writing this make him see me in that way? How about these bands, these might make me look interesting. What about this picture? What does it say about me? Do I look pretty in it? Do I look prettier than her or them? Does he think I look pretty? What about now? Is this status update obvious but not too obvious? Is it funny? Will they laugh? Will he get it? Will it make him like me?
What can I do to make him like me more than all the other girls, is basically what it all comes down to. The him changes but the pattern usually stays as some vague type of competition.
An unseen one in which the players aren't aware they're playing and the object they're playing for is even more unaware.

And I know I'm better than all of this. I know that whoever he is, he's definitely not worth any of this. At all. And it doesn't even matter. It doesn't. Matter. Doesn't. Matter. None of it matters, a status update will not change someone's feelings. A picture cannot push a guy to have an interest. And you know what, if it's a picture that makes him think "oh wow, maybe she is pretty" and he wouldn't have come to that conclusion without the picture/status update/comment then he's a loser and I shouldn't want to even look at his face ever again.

Seriously people. Maybe I'm the only one, but I'm sure there's someone out there who thinks this way, maybe you are 14 or 15 and in the midst of your teen angst months but I know I can't be alone.
It's a subconscious reaction, I don't actually think that stream of thoughts out, they manifest themselves as feelings and mindsets almost. These self destructing ridiculous and disgustingly female feeling-thoughts. I know all these things are not who I am, they are below me but like a drug I keep refreshing the page, I keep lingering, I keep bopping around trying to act like I don't care.
Like I don't care. But I do.
Maybe some people have a gap between their heart and mind where some other people have a connecting thread. They see something/someone as stupid therefore to them, it is. Maybe it's something you develop, that you make by faking it 'til you make it.
Acknowledging it is the first step. And that's what I'm doing now.

That time we learned from Grey's Anatomy.

I'm a huge advocate of learning from television and movies. Maybe it's because I was homeschooled or maybe it's because I've lived a pretty sheltered life. Either way, television is important and today is one of those days the divine wisdom of tv has blessed me...

Last night while watching "Grey's Anatomy" (for the second time, only this time on dvd of course) I realized the life lesson of the Lexie-George-Sloan situation. Here's a seemingly average girl, sure she's beautiful and has uncanny photographic memory talents but more or less she's not a huge character nor is she known especially for her beauty or personality. I've also never really ~related to her because as far as I'm concerned on Grey's, Meredith is my homegirl.
Now Lexie Grey has had her share of shoddy situations, her mom died recently, her dad is an alcoholic and her sister pretty much hates her. She actually "scores" one of the hotties at Seattle Grace, Alex Karev but it turns out he was using her. So she eventually moves on and develops a raging-I'm-in-love-with-you-but-you-don't-see-me-that-way crush on George O'Malley:

Now I love George as much as the next person who doesn't hate him. He's adorable and hilarious and sweet and kind. But he doesn't exactly scream the hot one that every girl wants but can't have. No, to me he's the sweet friend and sure he got Izzy but it doesn't make total sense for him to NOT like Lexie:

To most viewers Lexie might not be the hottest thing on Grey's but I think she's definitely above George, plus she's sweet as heck. So what is it? Wouldn't he be lucky to have Lexie? She helped him with his intern exam, became a rampant thief to decorate their apartment to make HIM happy and is pretty much his go-to adorable cheerleader all day every day. So why doesn't George like her like her? I don't know. These things don't always make sense, if I knew then I probably wouldn't be in the situation I'm in right now and I might not have even noticed this whole Lexie thing because I didn't the first time I saw these episodes.
Lexie finally realizes that George doesn't see her, again, why? Who knows. So now Lexie is moving on and trying to bounce back after more or less getting rejected by someone who we all know would be lucky to have her when SHABAM do you know what happens next?

McSteamy happens. Arguably the sexiest man at Seattle Grace Hospital. He's also a DOCTOR. And little old Lexie Grey, the intern who has/had a crush on a silly little boy like George attracts this man's attention?
Why yes, yes she does.

Now maybe they're not together currently, last I saw they broke up and now she's blonde but they were together a long time. She tamed the man-whore a la Katy Perry and actually moved in with him.
And then SHE broke up with him, not the other way around.

My point is, sometimes we fall for guys who really should like us but they don't. And that sucks and it's easy to think that there must be something wrong with us, that's normal. But look at Lexie, George didn't like her but guess who was right around the corner? A man, not a boy.
And you know what, maybe George just didn't see her that way and he couldn't help it but that still doesn't keep me from thinking he's an idiot. Or was.